Liftoff Boy doesn't do much in terms of establishing patterns. I guess I expected he would sleep at certain times and eat in predictable ways... But instead he's, you know, like any other kid. Yesterday we went to Meijer Gardens and took him around in his stroller and he was wide awake 90% of the time, looking up into the blue sky and the green tree branches and turning his head toward the sound of water and swamp frogs (they sound like an old guitar if it was missing 3 strings and you randomly plucked at what was left). His eyes were wide, he'd look at us as if to say "This is AMAZING!" and then he'd drift off a bit - only to wake up again later, still very impressed.
We got home and LB would not sleep. He was all wound up. Semi-hungry, demanding food and then falling asleep after a few swallows but then waking up again as soon as we'd put him down - and demanding more food. Instead of his 4 ounces or so every 3 hours, he'd want 2 and then 3 and then 1 and the pattern was just blown all to hell. Just as he'd start to drift off, he'd be wide awake again. It was sort of painful to see. I can't remember being his age (just over 3 weeks) but I can remember being a kid and having hyper battle with tired and not being able to sleep.
So he finally fell into a real, deep sleep about 11:30pm. Then was up to eat at 2 and back to sleep pretty easily. Then up at 6 and had a hard time, but finally back to sleep at 7 or so. Then up at 10 and awake for about an hour and a half. It was time for him to eat again at 1, but Liftoff Guy took him and he ate only about an ounce and a half (expressed breast milk) and then fell asleep again. So now the pattern is off. He's sleeping and didn't eat what he's used to so he's probably going to be hungry at some weird time and want less than what he usually eats... And it's going to be tricky.
I think he's making up today for missed sleep yesterday. He's stirring now, but I don't know if he's going to go back to sleep or demand the rest of his lunch. He doesn't know either.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
So, I'm writing again....
It's been a while. Things have been super busy, as you might imagine. I'm trying to think how to blog about this briefly...but I'll just jump in and try.
1. Liftoff Boy is here. He was still breech the afternoon of his birth and we went ahead with the c-section. It went really well, amazingly well. I had my music playing (I didn't watch because I felt nauseated at the beginning) and he was born to "When You're Smiling" by Dean Martin. Liftoff Guy watched him come out, cut (okay shortened) the umbilical cord, and didn't get woozy at all. I nursed LB in the recovery room. I didn't get a headache from the spinal, my itching from the morphine was minimal, I didn't get the shakes, I never threw up. LB's apgar scores were 8 and 9, which are awesome. He was 9 pounds, 5 ounces, 18.5 inches long, and had a 15.2 inch circumference head. He's a wonderful little guy. As of yesterday, he was 9 pounds, 12 ounces and 21 inches long! I think his head circumference was 38.2 cm but I haven't translated it yet. Whatever that is, it's 90th percentile.
2. Although the surgery itself had no complications, I did develop a uterine infection that made itself known the day after we came home from the hospital. So there I went, 8 hours in the ER and then 3 more days in the hospital, this time without LB, which was pretty agonizing. LG brought LB and my mom to visit all three days, but it was really difficult. I also developed some weirdness with my blood pressure and am on meds for a while now. Hopefully they'll reduce them on Monday when I go in for a blood pressure check. I had to pump and dump because of one of the antibiotics though.
3. I am a pumping machine. Literally, right now, I am pumping as I type. LB never got the latch thing down, and then he had to be on formula, so right now he's getting 2/3 of his feedings as pumped breastmilk and 1/3 as formula. I'm making a lot and have 50 ounces of formula frozen so far. I hope to give him breastmilk for 6 months and maybe I can stop pumping early and rely on our stores (in the deep freeze now) for the last month or so? This is tedious work, and you have to feed him and then pump and I wake up desperate to pump even if LG has the night feeding covered.
4. LB is a wonderful little boy. Dark hair growing in, indigo eyes that seem to have gray and brown in them (they might end up brown like mine or even hazel, who knows). He's pretty mellow, loves to look around (especially at distant moving things like the ceiling fan or tree branches overhead), and talks to himself as he's falling asleep.
5. I have until August 10 to finish revising an article - this will be challenging, but it's good because a panel I participated on in the fall is looking to get our whole crew published in a journal somewhere. Since I'm up for tenure in the spring, this would be a good thing. Must revise article. Must do research. Oy.
1. Liftoff Boy is here. He was still breech the afternoon of his birth and we went ahead with the c-section. It went really well, amazingly well. I had my music playing (I didn't watch because I felt nauseated at the beginning) and he was born to "When You're Smiling" by Dean Martin. Liftoff Guy watched him come out, cut (okay shortened) the umbilical cord, and didn't get woozy at all. I nursed LB in the recovery room. I didn't get a headache from the spinal, my itching from the morphine was minimal, I didn't get the shakes, I never threw up. LB's apgar scores were 8 and 9, which are awesome. He was 9 pounds, 5 ounces, 18.5 inches long, and had a 15.2 inch circumference head. He's a wonderful little guy. As of yesterday, he was 9 pounds, 12 ounces and 21 inches long! I think his head circumference was 38.2 cm but I haven't translated it yet. Whatever that is, it's 90th percentile.
2. Although the surgery itself had no complications, I did develop a uterine infection that made itself known the day after we came home from the hospital. So there I went, 8 hours in the ER and then 3 more days in the hospital, this time without LB, which was pretty agonizing. LG brought LB and my mom to visit all three days, but it was really difficult. I also developed some weirdness with my blood pressure and am on meds for a while now. Hopefully they'll reduce them on Monday when I go in for a blood pressure check. I had to pump and dump because of one of the antibiotics though.
3. I am a pumping machine. Literally, right now, I am pumping as I type. LB never got the latch thing down, and then he had to be on formula, so right now he's getting 2/3 of his feedings as pumped breastmilk and 1/3 as formula. I'm making a lot and have 50 ounces of formula frozen so far. I hope to give him breastmilk for 6 months and maybe I can stop pumping early and rely on our stores (in the deep freeze now) for the last month or so? This is tedious work, and you have to feed him and then pump and I wake up desperate to pump even if LG has the night feeding covered.
4. LB is a wonderful little boy. Dark hair growing in, indigo eyes that seem to have gray and brown in them (they might end up brown like mine or even hazel, who knows). He's pretty mellow, loves to look around (especially at distant moving things like the ceiling fan or tree branches overhead), and talks to himself as he's falling asleep.
5. I have until August 10 to finish revising an article - this will be challenging, but it's good because a panel I participated on in the fall is looking to get our whole crew published in a journal somewhere. Since I'm up for tenure in the spring, this would be a good thing. Must revise article. Must do research. Oy.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tomorrow's the day
And oh my goodness, I am freaking out. I'm moody and semi-scared - not just of the surgery, but of being a mom. Well, there's not much I can do at this point other than ride the wave. I'm sure I'll feel much better later, but oy, right now.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Stop me before I buy again!
So, it's Monday and I'm having the baby on Thursday. You hear a lot about women who know they're about to go into labor by a "nesting" instinct kicking in. Well, hopefully I'll miss labor (sorry, but I'm really happy about skipping that), so I'm not having the "natural" nesting thing. Instead, since I'm teaching a spring class and getting a little bit more money than I'm used to as a result, I'm spending. Mostly on the baby. I'm getting my nest ready through the purchase of much technology.
Sigh. We have hardwood floors and tile. I like that except unless you sweep/vacuum all the time, you end up with schmutz all over your feet. It's gross. I was contemplating this a few weeks ago and decided we needed a Roomba. So I bought one, and it arrived on Saturday. It's one of those little round robots that covers your rooms in some kind of scientifically-determined pattern, sweeping and vacuuming as it goes, bumping gently off of the walls and spending extra time on places where it senses more dirt. Liftoff Guy was irritated with me until he saw it in action and then he melted. It's a robot. We like robots. We named it Isaac after Isaac Asimov. And the floors are less schmutzy.
I also bought a Sweetpeace soothing swing thing. It rocks babies at 6 different speeds, plays a heartbeat or rainstorm or river or classical music or your own mp3 player. It's basically a robot mother - warm and fuzzy and sounds like the inside of the womb and rocks baby gently back and forth. I'm sure I'll hold Liftoff Boy all the time, but I love the idea of something high-tech that can also calm him down. Can you just see him napping in his robotic soother while Isaac the vacuuming robot spins by?
And then I bought the milk pumping set. I may rent from the hospital for a while too. But I can see that for me, motherhood isn't looking very crunchy granola natural. It's looking like a utopian (dystopian? I hope not) vision of a cybernetic future. A cybernetic consumerist future. I'm a bad person. Sigh.
Sigh. We have hardwood floors and tile. I like that except unless you sweep/vacuum all the time, you end up with schmutz all over your feet. It's gross. I was contemplating this a few weeks ago and decided we needed a Roomba. So I bought one, and it arrived on Saturday. It's one of those little round robots that covers your rooms in some kind of scientifically-determined pattern, sweeping and vacuuming as it goes, bumping gently off of the walls and spending extra time on places where it senses more dirt. Liftoff Guy was irritated with me until he saw it in action and then he melted. It's a robot. We like robots. We named it Isaac after Isaac Asimov. And the floors are less schmutzy.
I also bought a Sweetpeace soothing swing thing. It rocks babies at 6 different speeds, plays a heartbeat or rainstorm or river or classical music or your own mp3 player. It's basically a robot mother - warm and fuzzy and sounds like the inside of the womb and rocks baby gently back and forth. I'm sure I'll hold Liftoff Boy all the time, but I love the idea of something high-tech that can also calm him down. Can you just see him napping in his robotic soother while Isaac the vacuuming robot spins by?
And then I bought the milk pumping set. I may rent from the hospital for a while too. But I can see that for me, motherhood isn't looking very crunchy granola natural. It's looking like a utopian (dystopian? I hope not) vision of a cybernetic future. A cybernetic consumerist future. I'm a bad person. Sigh.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Abandoned
More angst, sorry. It's just that I'll be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I used to get a lot of enjoyment out of watching the calendar turn over, as it were. My huge library of pregnancy books all seemed to have something to say as I entered each new week. It was kind of like a weird, detailed pregnancy-oriented advent calendar. But now, with the c-section scheduled, I feel like they have nothing more to say to me. Each one has a chapter or part of a chapter where c-sections are talked about (in a tone that says "This probably won't happen, you poor dear, but if it does, you'll be okay!") but everything else assumes you're going the conventional route and I feel like they're done talking to me.
Now, in the real world, things continue to make me defensive. Liftoff Boy is still breech and at this point, it's just reinforcement for the c-section. It's not as though, at this point, that if he flips over we'll go the vaginal route (literally, that's a route isn't it?). Instead, he's just kind of making it increasingly clear that this is the way this pregnancy is going to go. And I'm really fine with it. Good with it even. I've begun to focus on the many benefits of doing a c-section a bit early and under non-stressful circumstances and I'm feeling quite happy about it. My doctor even says that they can set up a mirror so I can watch the birth (in a way where Liftoff Guy won't be able to see it) and they'll play a cd for me if I want (I'm going to bring in a Rat Pack one because how can I be nervous at all when Frank, Sammy and Dean are blowing Cool throughout the room? And I love the idea of doing something more fun than classical or new age.), and I won't need to be strapped down at the wrists, assuming I can keep myself from rising up. So I'm actually pretty psyched for this.
Meanwhile, though, I'm apparently not supposed to be psyched for this birth. I'm supposed to be regretful, hoping and praying that the baby will turn and that he'll be smaller than expected and that, to paraphrase my mom, that I can have a vaginal birth that is just as easy as a difficult bowel movement. One of my Fac.ebo.ok friends actually wrote, "I heard that if you put something painful, like an ice cube by where his head is, and then have someone talk down by where the head should be, the baby might opt for the head down position..." Um, okay, except that I'd prefer not to intentionally do something painful to the baby, and even if I did, he'd still be huge and they would still induce me early and I would still only have about a 30% chance of delivering successfully that way and then I'd get to have a long labor AND a more risky, emergency c-section! That sounds much better!!!
But the thing is, I'm supposed to run away from whatever's unnatural and desperately embrace the narrow shot I have at a vaginal birth, clinging to it knowing that it's my only chance to give birth the way that God/nature/Darwin intended. This is supposed to be painful and difficult, too, and by skipping labor for a Very Rat Pack Cesarean I'm transgressing all over the place. Oh well.
Oh, the shower was relatively mellow and nice, even though it was mostly populated by elderly ladies I'd never met before. A lot of LG's friends came, especially married couples who've known him since he was a kid who were in the Star Trek club with him, and at least one guy came on his own. I liked that our baby shower was co-ed, just like our wedding shower. It was very relaxed and having people our age there, both men and women, made it better.
Now, in the real world, things continue to make me defensive. Liftoff Boy is still breech and at this point, it's just reinforcement for the c-section. It's not as though, at this point, that if he flips over we'll go the vaginal route (literally, that's a route isn't it?). Instead, he's just kind of making it increasingly clear that this is the way this pregnancy is going to go. And I'm really fine with it. Good with it even. I've begun to focus on the many benefits of doing a c-section a bit early and under non-stressful circumstances and I'm feeling quite happy about it. My doctor even says that they can set up a mirror so I can watch the birth (in a way where Liftoff Guy won't be able to see it) and they'll play a cd for me if I want (I'm going to bring in a Rat Pack one because how can I be nervous at all when Frank, Sammy and Dean are blowing Cool throughout the room? And I love the idea of doing something more fun than classical or new age.), and I won't need to be strapped down at the wrists, assuming I can keep myself from rising up. So I'm actually pretty psyched for this.
Meanwhile, though, I'm apparently not supposed to be psyched for this birth. I'm supposed to be regretful, hoping and praying that the baby will turn and that he'll be smaller than expected and that, to paraphrase my mom, that I can have a vaginal birth that is just as easy as a difficult bowel movement. One of my Fac.ebo.ok friends actually wrote, "I heard that if you put something painful, like an ice cube by where his head is, and then have someone talk down by where the head should be, the baby might opt for the head down position..." Um, okay, except that I'd prefer not to intentionally do something painful to the baby, and even if I did, he'd still be huge and they would still induce me early and I would still only have about a 30% chance of delivering successfully that way and then I'd get to have a long labor AND a more risky, emergency c-section! That sounds much better!!!
But the thing is, I'm supposed to run away from whatever's unnatural and desperately embrace the narrow shot I have at a vaginal birth, clinging to it knowing that it's my only chance to give birth the way that God/nature/Darwin intended. This is supposed to be painful and difficult, too, and by skipping labor for a Very Rat Pack Cesarean I'm transgressing all over the place. Oh well.
Oh, the shower was relatively mellow and nice, even though it was mostly populated by elderly ladies I'd never met before. A lot of LG's friends came, especially married couples who've known him since he was a kid who were in the Star Trek club with him, and at least one guy came on his own. I liked that our baby shower was co-ed, just like our wedding shower. It was very relaxed and having people our age there, both men and women, made it better.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Likes and dislikes
1. I like feeling Luke move around, especially now that he actually responds to me - I can sometimes feel a springy body part (I think it's probably a knee, although it could be an elbow) and when I touch it, it retracts and then comes back again. This is fun.
2. I don't like round ligament pain. Feeling like I've been stabbed in the groin is no fun.
3. I like the Home Birth Debate website. Scientific evidence for things is so much more convincing to me than feelings and the "trust birth" attitude. Plus the MD who runs the site has been posting reassuring things about cesarean sections lately.
4. I think these high-heeled baby shoes are loathesome.
5. I have mixed feelings about an upcoming baby shower that Liftoff Guy's mom and sister-in-law are throwing for us. I'm not a fan of showers in general, but when you're starting off with a new baby, there's a certain amount of equipment that needs to be purchased, and it really, really helps when folks contribute. At the same time, it feels greedy, like demanding hand-outs. Then it's weird to be here away from my closest friends and family - most of the guests will be people I've never met from LG's mom's and sil's churches. Gulp. Plus sil was astonished that we wanted it to be co-ed - but I've never met most of these folks. They all know LG, so it would be helpful for him to be there.
And it's LG's baby too! I am exactly 50% of Liftoff Boy's parents - not 90% or even 55%. And LG is a total mensch and extremely home oriented, and I'm the major wage-earner, so I think we're going to have a very balanced approach to parenting. The sexism that seems to be inherent in peoples' responses to a couple having a baby irritates the heck out of me. For instance, it makes no sense to me when a friend of mine refers to her husband "babysitting" their son. How do you "babysit" your own child? It doesn't make sense either when people say, "I'm sure your husband will help with the baby." Why don't they tell him that they're sure I'll help with the baby?
LG told me yesterday that a couple I've never met who are coming to the shower couldn't find us on the registry - probably because they were looking for my first name with LG's last name. I use a hyphenated name legally, so that's what I'm under. I was allowed to choose a second name, so I used my professional name, which is what I teach and publish under. But I'm not known by LG's last name on its own. And then LG's full name is also on the registry. So if they couldn't find us, it means that it didn't occur to them that I might not use a traditional married name and that the registry would be under the husband's name. This irritates me. Then later I got some ad addressed to my first name but LG's last name - I was almost moved to call the company and tell them to correct my name, but it was junk mail. If this happens again, I may put "return to sender - no such person at this address" - but it's junk mail so it doesn't seem worth it.
So anyway, I hope the shower will be fun, and it's always nice when people help make your life easier, but I feel like I'll be the wolf in a flock of sheep, not really one of them, and dangerous with my agnostic, feminist perspectives. Some of LG's geek friends were invited and so maybe that will help. I hope so.
2. I don't like round ligament pain. Feeling like I've been stabbed in the groin is no fun.
3. I like the Home Birth Debate website. Scientific evidence for things is so much more convincing to me than feelings and the "trust birth" attitude. Plus the MD who runs the site has been posting reassuring things about cesarean sections lately.
4. I think these high-heeled baby shoes are loathesome.
5. I have mixed feelings about an upcoming baby shower that Liftoff Guy's mom and sister-in-law are throwing for us. I'm not a fan of showers in general, but when you're starting off with a new baby, there's a certain amount of equipment that needs to be purchased, and it really, really helps when folks contribute. At the same time, it feels greedy, like demanding hand-outs. Then it's weird to be here away from my closest friends and family - most of the guests will be people I've never met from LG's mom's and sil's churches. Gulp. Plus sil was astonished that we wanted it to be co-ed - but I've never met most of these folks. They all know LG, so it would be helpful for him to be there.
And it's LG's baby too! I am exactly 50% of Liftoff Boy's parents - not 90% or even 55%. And LG is a total mensch and extremely home oriented, and I'm the major wage-earner, so I think we're going to have a very balanced approach to parenting. The sexism that seems to be inherent in peoples' responses to a couple having a baby irritates the heck out of me. For instance, it makes no sense to me when a friend of mine refers to her husband "babysitting" their son. How do you "babysit" your own child? It doesn't make sense either when people say, "I'm sure your husband will help with the baby." Why don't they tell him that they're sure I'll help with the baby?
LG told me yesterday that a couple I've never met who are coming to the shower couldn't find us on the registry - probably because they were looking for my first name with LG's last name. I use a hyphenated name legally, so that's what I'm under. I was allowed to choose a second name, so I used my professional name, which is what I teach and publish under. But I'm not known by LG's last name on its own. And then LG's full name is also on the registry. So if they couldn't find us, it means that it didn't occur to them that I might not use a traditional married name and that the registry would be under the husband's name. This irritates me. Then later I got some ad addressed to my first name but LG's last name - I was almost moved to call the company and tell them to correct my name, but it was junk mail. If this happens again, I may put "return to sender - no such person at this address" - but it's junk mail so it doesn't seem worth it.
So anyway, I hope the shower will be fun, and it's always nice when people help make your life easier, but I feel like I'll be the wolf in a flock of sheep, not really one of them, and dangerous with my agnostic, feminist perspectives. Some of LG's geek friends were invited and so maybe that will help. I hope so.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Weird progress....
We decided to go to Detroit this weekend since Liftoff Guy's dad was doing really well yesterday (no pain, cushy new hospital, room with amazing view, big screen tv, lots of attention from nurses). The plan was to visit Windsor, Ontario so that I could add Canada to the list of countries I've visited (I think it's scandalous that I've lived in Michigan almost 5 years and have never been to Canada) and so that Liftoff Boy could visit at least one foreign country in utero.
However, today was the Detroit Air Race (also Motor City Pride Day) and downtown was packed with traffic weirdly rerouted and a horribly long traffic jam of people all trying to cross into Windsor. LG got cranky and we just decided to give up. After all, we'd already spent a lot of time in a very tony mall in Troy and went out to one of our very favorite restaurants (and they were doing lobster specials! woot!). We got to eat lobster mac and cheese while watching the Detroit Redwings beat the Pittsburgh Penguins, so that was fun. Plus there was a live singer in the restaurant mostly doing covers of John Mayer type songs....but he did an acoustic cover of Prince's Erotic City and that was SO unexpected I just broke into the worst giggles, whispering the lyrics to LG, who was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you. It totally made no sense, which was awesome.
But I wore my pregnant self out. Suddenly yesterday I started having pregnancy symptoms I've so far managed to avoid, specifically really noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions and swollen feet and ankles. It didn't help that our "four star" hotel was really run down and that the air conditioning in the room didn't work. I woke up pretty much every hour, sweating in a way that only a very pregnant person can sweat. Yick. I think I need to start taking things easy...
Still miss the girl, too. But very nice, despite the ups and downs, to run away somewhere else for a couple of days.
However, today was the Detroit Air Race (also Motor City Pride Day) and downtown was packed with traffic weirdly rerouted and a horribly long traffic jam of people all trying to cross into Windsor. LG got cranky and we just decided to give up. After all, we'd already spent a lot of time in a very tony mall in Troy and went out to one of our very favorite restaurants (and they were doing lobster specials! woot!). We got to eat lobster mac and cheese while watching the Detroit Redwings beat the Pittsburgh Penguins, so that was fun. Plus there was a live singer in the restaurant mostly doing covers of John Mayer type songs....but he did an acoustic cover of Prince's Erotic City and that was SO unexpected I just broke into the worst giggles, whispering the lyrics to LG, who was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you. It totally made no sense, which was awesome.
But I wore my pregnant self out. Suddenly yesterday I started having pregnancy symptoms I've so far managed to avoid, specifically really noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions and swollen feet and ankles. It didn't help that our "four star" hotel was really run down and that the air conditioning in the room didn't work. I woke up pretty much every hour, sweating in a way that only a very pregnant person can sweat. Yick. I think I need to start taking things easy...
Still miss the girl, too. But very nice, despite the ups and downs, to run away somewhere else for a couple of days.
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