Breasts

I am Lait-tit-ia, queen of all nourishment. My breasts flow with white delight. I am abundance and plenty.

Well, this is basically true. I've always had large breasts. Before I got pregnant, I was rocking 38DDs. This is something I apparently get from my dad's side of the family, not my mom's (and no, Kimba, this wasn't directed at you - my mom states this almost daily as in, "You sure didn't get those from ME!"). Anyway, now that I'm nursing... Well, they warn you that your cup size will increase 1-4 sizes. Guess which way I went! Yup, I'm now a 38I. I. As in ice cream. I bought a couple of nursing bras before I had the baby and guessing from my measurements then, I ended up with 44Fs. But pregnancy expands your rib cage in weird ways and after you have the baby your torso returns to its normal dimensions. So the 44Fs fit okay in the cups, but are huge otherwise and offer basically no support. I took my measurements, bought a couple of more accurately sized bras online, and now I'm waiting for sweet relief. Because you think you can buy 38I-sized bras anywhere in real life? Maybe somewhere but not so much here.

This is how bad it is. Liftoff Baby likes pacifiers. They gave him one at the hospital he really likes, so I went online and bought more of them, including a variety that's - get this - vanilla scented. We were trying it out this morning after I fed him expressed breast milk in a bottle and he spit it out and it kind of went flying, but I was too intent on cleaning up spit up to notice where. I forgot about it. We went out to lunch and to a farmer's market and I got home and decided to pump. Upon lifting my shirt I looked down into my bra and saw this bright orange latex vanilla-scented pacifier resting peacefully in my bra between my breasts. I had no idea. I guess it's always a good idea to carry a spare pacifier around in your bra, right? Ahem...