Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tomorrow's the day
And oh my goodness, I am freaking out. I'm moody and semi-scared - not just of the surgery, but of being a mom. Well, there's not much I can do at this point other than ride the wave. I'm sure I'll feel much better later, but oy, right now.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Stop me before I buy again!
So, it's Monday and I'm having the baby on Thursday. You hear a lot about women who know they're about to go into labor by a "nesting" instinct kicking in. Well, hopefully I'll miss labor (sorry, but I'm really happy about skipping that), so I'm not having the "natural" nesting thing. Instead, since I'm teaching a spring class and getting a little bit more money than I'm used to as a result, I'm spending. Mostly on the baby. I'm getting my nest ready through the purchase of much technology.
Sigh. We have hardwood floors and tile. I like that except unless you sweep/vacuum all the time, you end up with schmutz all over your feet. It's gross. I was contemplating this a few weeks ago and decided we needed a Roomba. So I bought one, and it arrived on Saturday. It's one of those little round robots that covers your rooms in some kind of scientifically-determined pattern, sweeping and vacuuming as it goes, bumping gently off of the walls and spending extra time on places where it senses more dirt. Liftoff Guy was irritated with me until he saw it in action and then he melted. It's a robot. We like robots. We named it Isaac after Isaac Asimov. And the floors are less schmutzy.
I also bought a Sweetpeace soothing swing thing. It rocks babies at 6 different speeds, plays a heartbeat or rainstorm or river or classical music or your own mp3 player. It's basically a robot mother - warm and fuzzy and sounds like the inside of the womb and rocks baby gently back and forth. I'm sure I'll hold Liftoff Boy all the time, but I love the idea of something high-tech that can also calm him down. Can you just see him napping in his robotic soother while Isaac the vacuuming robot spins by?
And then I bought the milk pumping set. I may rent from the hospital for a while too. But I can see that for me, motherhood isn't looking very crunchy granola natural. It's looking like a utopian (dystopian? I hope not) vision of a cybernetic future. A cybernetic consumerist future. I'm a bad person. Sigh.
Sigh. We have hardwood floors and tile. I like that except unless you sweep/vacuum all the time, you end up with schmutz all over your feet. It's gross. I was contemplating this a few weeks ago and decided we needed a Roomba. So I bought one, and it arrived on Saturday. It's one of those little round robots that covers your rooms in some kind of scientifically-determined pattern, sweeping and vacuuming as it goes, bumping gently off of the walls and spending extra time on places where it senses more dirt. Liftoff Guy was irritated with me until he saw it in action and then he melted. It's a robot. We like robots. We named it Isaac after Isaac Asimov. And the floors are less schmutzy.
I also bought a Sweetpeace soothing swing thing. It rocks babies at 6 different speeds, plays a heartbeat or rainstorm or river or classical music or your own mp3 player. It's basically a robot mother - warm and fuzzy and sounds like the inside of the womb and rocks baby gently back and forth. I'm sure I'll hold Liftoff Boy all the time, but I love the idea of something high-tech that can also calm him down. Can you just see him napping in his robotic soother while Isaac the vacuuming robot spins by?
And then I bought the milk pumping set. I may rent from the hospital for a while too. But I can see that for me, motherhood isn't looking very crunchy granola natural. It's looking like a utopian (dystopian? I hope not) vision of a cybernetic future. A cybernetic consumerist future. I'm a bad person. Sigh.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Abandoned
More angst, sorry. It's just that I'll be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I used to get a lot of enjoyment out of watching the calendar turn over, as it were. My huge library of pregnancy books all seemed to have something to say as I entered each new week. It was kind of like a weird, detailed pregnancy-oriented advent calendar. But now, with the c-section scheduled, I feel like they have nothing more to say to me. Each one has a chapter or part of a chapter where c-sections are talked about (in a tone that says "This probably won't happen, you poor dear, but if it does, you'll be okay!") but everything else assumes you're going the conventional route and I feel like they're done talking to me.
Now, in the real world, things continue to make me defensive. Liftoff Boy is still breech and at this point, it's just reinforcement for the c-section. It's not as though, at this point, that if he flips over we'll go the vaginal route (literally, that's a route isn't it?). Instead, he's just kind of making it increasingly clear that this is the way this pregnancy is going to go. And I'm really fine with it. Good with it even. I've begun to focus on the many benefits of doing a c-section a bit early and under non-stressful circumstances and I'm feeling quite happy about it. My doctor even says that they can set up a mirror so I can watch the birth (in a way where Liftoff Guy won't be able to see it) and they'll play a cd for me if I want (I'm going to bring in a Rat Pack one because how can I be nervous at all when Frank, Sammy and Dean are blowing Cool throughout the room? And I love the idea of doing something more fun than classical or new age.), and I won't need to be strapped down at the wrists, assuming I can keep myself from rising up. So I'm actually pretty psyched for this.
Meanwhile, though, I'm apparently not supposed to be psyched for this birth. I'm supposed to be regretful, hoping and praying that the baby will turn and that he'll be smaller than expected and that, to paraphrase my mom, that I can have a vaginal birth that is just as easy as a difficult bowel movement. One of my Fac.ebo.ok friends actually wrote, "I heard that if you put something painful, like an ice cube by where his head is, and then have someone talk down by where the head should be, the baby might opt for the head down position..." Um, okay, except that I'd prefer not to intentionally do something painful to the baby, and even if I did, he'd still be huge and they would still induce me early and I would still only have about a 30% chance of delivering successfully that way and then I'd get to have a long labor AND a more risky, emergency c-section! That sounds much better!!!
But the thing is, I'm supposed to run away from whatever's unnatural and desperately embrace the narrow shot I have at a vaginal birth, clinging to it knowing that it's my only chance to give birth the way that God/nature/Darwin intended. This is supposed to be painful and difficult, too, and by skipping labor for a Very Rat Pack Cesarean I'm transgressing all over the place. Oh well.
Oh, the shower was relatively mellow and nice, even though it was mostly populated by elderly ladies I'd never met before. A lot of LG's friends came, especially married couples who've known him since he was a kid who were in the Star Trek club with him, and at least one guy came on his own. I liked that our baby shower was co-ed, just like our wedding shower. It was very relaxed and having people our age there, both men and women, made it better.
Now, in the real world, things continue to make me defensive. Liftoff Boy is still breech and at this point, it's just reinforcement for the c-section. It's not as though, at this point, that if he flips over we'll go the vaginal route (literally, that's a route isn't it?). Instead, he's just kind of making it increasingly clear that this is the way this pregnancy is going to go. And I'm really fine with it. Good with it even. I've begun to focus on the many benefits of doing a c-section a bit early and under non-stressful circumstances and I'm feeling quite happy about it. My doctor even says that they can set up a mirror so I can watch the birth (in a way where Liftoff Guy won't be able to see it) and they'll play a cd for me if I want (I'm going to bring in a Rat Pack one because how can I be nervous at all when Frank, Sammy and Dean are blowing Cool throughout the room? And I love the idea of doing something more fun than classical or new age.), and I won't need to be strapped down at the wrists, assuming I can keep myself from rising up. So I'm actually pretty psyched for this.
Meanwhile, though, I'm apparently not supposed to be psyched for this birth. I'm supposed to be regretful, hoping and praying that the baby will turn and that he'll be smaller than expected and that, to paraphrase my mom, that I can have a vaginal birth that is just as easy as a difficult bowel movement. One of my Fac.ebo.ok friends actually wrote, "I heard that if you put something painful, like an ice cube by where his head is, and then have someone talk down by where the head should be, the baby might opt for the head down position..." Um, okay, except that I'd prefer not to intentionally do something painful to the baby, and even if I did, he'd still be huge and they would still induce me early and I would still only have about a 30% chance of delivering successfully that way and then I'd get to have a long labor AND a more risky, emergency c-section! That sounds much better!!!
But the thing is, I'm supposed to run away from whatever's unnatural and desperately embrace the narrow shot I have at a vaginal birth, clinging to it knowing that it's my only chance to give birth the way that God/nature/Darwin intended. This is supposed to be painful and difficult, too, and by skipping labor for a Very Rat Pack Cesarean I'm transgressing all over the place. Oh well.
Oh, the shower was relatively mellow and nice, even though it was mostly populated by elderly ladies I'd never met before. A lot of LG's friends came, especially married couples who've known him since he was a kid who were in the Star Trek club with him, and at least one guy came on his own. I liked that our baby shower was co-ed, just like our wedding shower. It was very relaxed and having people our age there, both men and women, made it better.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Likes and dislikes
1. I like feeling Luke move around, especially now that he actually responds to me - I can sometimes feel a springy body part (I think it's probably a knee, although it could be an elbow) and when I touch it, it retracts and then comes back again. This is fun.
2. I don't like round ligament pain. Feeling like I've been stabbed in the groin is no fun.
3. I like the Home Birth Debate website. Scientific evidence for things is so much more convincing to me than feelings and the "trust birth" attitude. Plus the MD who runs the site has been posting reassuring things about cesarean sections lately.
4. I think these high-heeled baby shoes are loathesome.
5. I have mixed feelings about an upcoming baby shower that Liftoff Guy's mom and sister-in-law are throwing for us. I'm not a fan of showers in general, but when you're starting off with a new baby, there's a certain amount of equipment that needs to be purchased, and it really, really helps when folks contribute. At the same time, it feels greedy, like demanding hand-outs. Then it's weird to be here away from my closest friends and family - most of the guests will be people I've never met from LG's mom's and sil's churches. Gulp. Plus sil was astonished that we wanted it to be co-ed - but I've never met most of these folks. They all know LG, so it would be helpful for him to be there.
And it's LG's baby too! I am exactly 50% of Liftoff Boy's parents - not 90% or even 55%. And LG is a total mensch and extremely home oriented, and I'm the major wage-earner, so I think we're going to have a very balanced approach to parenting. The sexism that seems to be inherent in peoples' responses to a couple having a baby irritates the heck out of me. For instance, it makes no sense to me when a friend of mine refers to her husband "babysitting" their son. How do you "babysit" your own child? It doesn't make sense either when people say, "I'm sure your husband will help with the baby." Why don't they tell him that they're sure I'll help with the baby?
LG told me yesterday that a couple I've never met who are coming to the shower couldn't find us on the registry - probably because they were looking for my first name with LG's last name. I use a hyphenated name legally, so that's what I'm under. I was allowed to choose a second name, so I used my professional name, which is what I teach and publish under. But I'm not known by LG's last name on its own. And then LG's full name is also on the registry. So if they couldn't find us, it means that it didn't occur to them that I might not use a traditional married name and that the registry would be under the husband's name. This irritates me. Then later I got some ad addressed to my first name but LG's last name - I was almost moved to call the company and tell them to correct my name, but it was junk mail. If this happens again, I may put "return to sender - no such person at this address" - but it's junk mail so it doesn't seem worth it.
So anyway, I hope the shower will be fun, and it's always nice when people help make your life easier, but I feel like I'll be the wolf in a flock of sheep, not really one of them, and dangerous with my agnostic, feminist perspectives. Some of LG's geek friends were invited and so maybe that will help. I hope so.
2. I don't like round ligament pain. Feeling like I've been stabbed in the groin is no fun.
3. I like the Home Birth Debate website. Scientific evidence for things is so much more convincing to me than feelings and the "trust birth" attitude. Plus the MD who runs the site has been posting reassuring things about cesarean sections lately.
4. I think these high-heeled baby shoes are loathesome.
5. I have mixed feelings about an upcoming baby shower that Liftoff Guy's mom and sister-in-law are throwing for us. I'm not a fan of showers in general, but when you're starting off with a new baby, there's a certain amount of equipment that needs to be purchased, and it really, really helps when folks contribute. At the same time, it feels greedy, like demanding hand-outs. Then it's weird to be here away from my closest friends and family - most of the guests will be people I've never met from LG's mom's and sil's churches. Gulp. Plus sil was astonished that we wanted it to be co-ed - but I've never met most of these folks. They all know LG, so it would be helpful for him to be there.
And it's LG's baby too! I am exactly 50% of Liftoff Boy's parents - not 90% or even 55%. And LG is a total mensch and extremely home oriented, and I'm the major wage-earner, so I think we're going to have a very balanced approach to parenting. The sexism that seems to be inherent in peoples' responses to a couple having a baby irritates the heck out of me. For instance, it makes no sense to me when a friend of mine refers to her husband "babysitting" their son. How do you "babysit" your own child? It doesn't make sense either when people say, "I'm sure your husband will help with the baby." Why don't they tell him that they're sure I'll help with the baby?
LG told me yesterday that a couple I've never met who are coming to the shower couldn't find us on the registry - probably because they were looking for my first name with LG's last name. I use a hyphenated name legally, so that's what I'm under. I was allowed to choose a second name, so I used my professional name, which is what I teach and publish under. But I'm not known by LG's last name on its own. And then LG's full name is also on the registry. So if they couldn't find us, it means that it didn't occur to them that I might not use a traditional married name and that the registry would be under the husband's name. This irritates me. Then later I got some ad addressed to my first name but LG's last name - I was almost moved to call the company and tell them to correct my name, but it was junk mail. If this happens again, I may put "return to sender - no such person at this address" - but it's junk mail so it doesn't seem worth it.
So anyway, I hope the shower will be fun, and it's always nice when people help make your life easier, but I feel like I'll be the wolf in a flock of sheep, not really one of them, and dangerous with my agnostic, feminist perspectives. Some of LG's geek friends were invited and so maybe that will help. I hope so.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Weird progress....
We decided to go to Detroit this weekend since Liftoff Guy's dad was doing really well yesterday (no pain, cushy new hospital, room with amazing view, big screen tv, lots of attention from nurses). The plan was to visit Windsor, Ontario so that I could add Canada to the list of countries I've visited (I think it's scandalous that I've lived in Michigan almost 5 years and have never been to Canada) and so that Liftoff Boy could visit at least one foreign country in utero.
However, today was the Detroit Air Race (also Motor City Pride Day) and downtown was packed with traffic weirdly rerouted and a horribly long traffic jam of people all trying to cross into Windsor. LG got cranky and we just decided to give up. After all, we'd already spent a lot of time in a very tony mall in Troy and went out to one of our very favorite restaurants (and they were doing lobster specials! woot!). We got to eat lobster mac and cheese while watching the Detroit Redwings beat the Pittsburgh Penguins, so that was fun. Plus there was a live singer in the restaurant mostly doing covers of John Mayer type songs....but he did an acoustic cover of Prince's Erotic City and that was SO unexpected I just broke into the worst giggles, whispering the lyrics to LG, who was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you. It totally made no sense, which was awesome.
But I wore my pregnant self out. Suddenly yesterday I started having pregnancy symptoms I've so far managed to avoid, specifically really noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions and swollen feet and ankles. It didn't help that our "four star" hotel was really run down and that the air conditioning in the room didn't work. I woke up pretty much every hour, sweating in a way that only a very pregnant person can sweat. Yick. I think I need to start taking things easy...
Still miss the girl, too. But very nice, despite the ups and downs, to run away somewhere else for a couple of days.
However, today was the Detroit Air Race (also Motor City Pride Day) and downtown was packed with traffic weirdly rerouted and a horribly long traffic jam of people all trying to cross into Windsor. LG got cranky and we just decided to give up. After all, we'd already spent a lot of time in a very tony mall in Troy and went out to one of our very favorite restaurants (and they were doing lobster specials! woot!). We got to eat lobster mac and cheese while watching the Detroit Redwings beat the Pittsburgh Penguins, so that was fun. Plus there was a live singer in the restaurant mostly doing covers of John Mayer type songs....but he did an acoustic cover of Prince's Erotic City and that was SO unexpected I just broke into the worst giggles, whispering the lyrics to LG, who was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you. It totally made no sense, which was awesome.
But I wore my pregnant self out. Suddenly yesterday I started having pregnancy symptoms I've so far managed to avoid, specifically really noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions and swollen feet and ankles. It didn't help that our "four star" hotel was really run down and that the air conditioning in the room didn't work. I woke up pretty much every hour, sweating in a way that only a very pregnant person can sweat. Yick. I think I need to start taking things easy...
Still miss the girl, too. But very nice, despite the ups and downs, to run away somewhere else for a couple of days.
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