What this pregnancy is like

I thought I'd write down some of the things I'm experiencing during this pregnancy, especially since my mom, who was 36 when I was born, can't remember many of the details of her pregnancy. Honestly, that's not uncommon for her (she has always had a poor memory - not a symptom of anything else), but it's frustrating for me when she can't remember if she had stretch marks or a linea nigra or experienced colostrum production in her third trimester, etc.

The first trimester was relatively easy. One thing my mom CAN remember is that she never had morning sickness, and fortunately that was the case with me too. I had a few noontimes where I felt like my stomach was slightly upset, but never any nausea. In fact, the only nausea I had was 2nd trimester motion sickness during plane travel to and from Washington DC and while riding in the backseat of Liftoff Guy's friend's car around the city (we actually had to pull over and let me spit out some of that disgusting pre-vomit spit that can fill your whole mouth). I never actually vomited though.

Around 12 or 13 weeks, a pinched nerve in my back that sometimes caused problems when I slept on my right side or back by making my right thigh go numb decided that it was going to cause problems all the time. My right thigh went numb as I walked, which was a first (I was visiting home in California at the time) and over the next few weeks decided to cause shooting pain if I ignored the numbness. My OB-Gyn sent me to a physical therapist where I learned to do a variety of mild back and core-strengthening exercises, and the exercises (and perhaps just getting bigger and having the balance of my body change) have led to some improvement, although the thigh is still numb most of the time. I've learned that raising my foot during a long shopping trip on anything 6 inches to a couple of feet off the ground really helps. I also began wearing a maternity support belly bra thing in January and that seems to be helpful.

In the last few months or so I've begun getting stretch marks, especially on the lower hemisphere of my belly, around my bikini zone, my hips, and on my upper thighs. They are reddish pink and really irregular. Some are horizontal, some are vertical, but they're all relatively short, say between 1 and 2 inches long. My belly button is still an innie, but flatter than it was. I don't have a linea nigra and I have, indeed, started producing clear fluid and some orangish colostrum within the last few weeks.

I've gotten winded easily since the beginning of the pregnancy and my resting heart rate has been pretty high throughout. I'm just sitting here at the computer and it's 96 bpm. This started really early (like early in the first trimester) and I was told it relates to higher-than-normal blood volume. Walking across campus now makes me pant and it takes a while to recover from climbing stairs.

I first felt Liftoff Boy move on New Year's Eve, 1997. It was a tickling sensation low in my abdomen and was similar to pain. Very strange. As he has gotten bigger it's been a much more physical kicking and knocking, although recently there's been more of a feeling of stretching and rolling. He'll definitely let me know by pushing or kicking if I'm reducing his space too much by leaning my belly into a table or sleeping with my knee pressing into my belly.

I had round ligament pain in my second trimester and it was the sudden-move-feeling-like-you've-been-stabbed-in-the-gut sensation. Recently, though, there has been a variation of round ligament pain where the ligaments that go from my groin into my thighs (especially my left thigh) have gotten into the act and that has been breathtakingly painful. One of my back exercises required me to lie on my side and do side leg-lifts and that was agonizing. I've stopped that and have tried to wear my support thing more and they pain has gotten better over the last few days.

I have a bit of heartburn yesterday and today.

Aside from urinating constantly (normal), I have decided to defy convention and move my bowels constantly. Huzzah! No constipation for me so far. My doctor knows about this and says it's pretty normal, just not as common as constipation. I guess I'm grateful...

Right now I wake up in the night and forget how I've grown and am amazed at how much control I need to maneuver myself around. Getting in and out of bed has become a challenge. And I have 9 weeks or so to go!

Finally, emotionally it has been interesting. As Liftoff Boy has gotten bigger, I can feel him through my abdominal wall, but I'm having trouble visualizing him. I have moments of extreme tenderness and teariness, but sometimes it's because of the anticipation of meeting him, and other times it's because I'm worried about the changes his emergence is going to bring (arrival always seems like the wrong word - I mean he's HERE, not anywhere else). I can't say I'm feeling love for him yet because I've never met him. He's an abstraction more than a baby to me. I've never been good at visualizing things that are hidden. I don't feel like I'm playing a creative role in his growth. I feel like my body is being used for some other purpose and my conscious will and desire has little to do with it other than being consenting. I will sing and read to him sometimes, but I worry he can't hear since he doesn't react much to sound. I like it when I give a little push and he responds, though. Usually when I give a little push he seems to ignore me. So far this doesn't seem like a spiritual experience, and anything I read or watch that suggests that it should be makes me mildly uncomfortable. Instead, it's an interesting biological experiment that involves me growing a small person in my body, much in the way that you can grow bean sprouts in a glass of water. He's definitely more active than bean sprouts, though. Despite not feeling what seems like "love" yet, though, I feel very, very protective of my body because of his presence. I'm sure love will arrive when I have a better sense of him, i.e. when he's on the outside.

Whew! Now I can save all of this for posterity. Liftoff Boy probably won't care, but if we have another child, I'll probably want to look back on this for comparison's sake.